Who We Are (And Who We Once Were)
by Crimsonspiderlillies
Summary: His expression was bleak, but it wasn't empty. His deep voice croaked with underlying anguish. "Wandering around at night like this... it was prohibited in prison. Didn't think I'd ever get the chance again." Rantaro had a question that's been on his mind for a while.


It was nighttime, and Rantaro had decided to go to the garden, to sit down and think. He sat down on the bench and stared up at the artificial starry sky. He had expected to be alone, but that wasn't the case. "Ryoma-kun? What are you doing here?"

His expression was bleak, but it wasn't empty. His deep voice croaked when he spoke, from his own anguish. "Wandering around at night like this... it was prohibited in prison. Didn't think I'd ever get the chance again."

Rantaro had a question that's been on his mind for a while. He didn't want to seem rude, but asked anyway. "Why'd you get arrested? I thought you said you destroyed a Mafia boss. Shouldn't that be a commendable, if not heroic action?"

"The law has no place for moral conflict," Ryoma answered with an airy sigh. "Murder is still murder. Criminal or not, I've killed people. I'm a murderer. I've let my anger, malice, negative feelings and blackmail over the years dominate me. I couldn't bear it anymore. I made the choice to sacrifice everything to put a stop to it."

"Still, that's definitely impressive. How'd you ever manage to do such a thing?"

If he looked back at a time where he wasn't as drowsy, Rantaro would've thought he sounded just as he hoped people wouldn't perceive him - an ignorant rich kid raised in luxuries, that didn't understand the ways of the world around him. That wasn't the case, though. Amami knew that, from a strange gut feeling he had. It wasn't something that he could explain.

"I can't remember much. It felt like ages ago. What about you, Rantaro? What was your life like before all of this happened? Surely you've had it better than me."

Rantaro paused, and tried to think of a way to answer. "I don't remember anything," he finally replied, at a loss. "I can remember the important stuff. I remember my family, and some details about myself. That's about it. Nothing more. It's… stressful."

"You remember your family, and that's it? Don't you think that's a little strange?"

"Eh?"

Ryoma paused again. "Let it be. Did you love them? Your family, I mean."

"I do, very much. My parents are barely around, but I have a lot of sisters. They're very dear to me. God, I'm so damn worried about all of them…"

"I see… you're lucky, then. I don't have anyone, or anywhere to return to. No one visiting me in prison." Amami sat back, allowing Hoshi to rant. He probably needed it badly. "Hell, I don't have a home to go to. Even if we do manage to get out of here, it's back to prison. Back to contemplating the meaning of life behind those bars. Why am I still living? When you lose your freedom, when you stop believing in your neighbor, even when your talent slips away… your life becomes meaningless. My cellmate is a criminal even worse than I am. He's a cruel being, full of greed and scorn. Still, he has visits almost everyday. People care about him. Despite all the awful things he's done. Now here I am, one prison to another. One a little more eccentric, but it's still prison all the same. This is like a bad joke."

Amami waited a few seconds, just to be sure he had really finished. "Hey, Ryoma, do you want to go back to your normal life?"

"I would be a hypocrite to tell you I would not want it," he said. "But it's too late. I have to pay for my sins. And I'm going to do it here."

Rantaro raised an eyebrow. "In what sense, exactly?" Rantaro could not make out that bitter smile on his mouth. "... Ryoma"

"You shouldn't make that face. This isn't my funeral. I'm not going to die. If we make it out, you'll be able to return to your sister, okay? So, don't take that for granted."

"Yes, I understand."

"Just like me, you don't trust anyone here. Am I wrong?" When Rantaro didn't answer, Ryoma kept talking. "  
"When you spend years in prison, you understand something. You understand who you can trust and who you do not. Not all criminals are worthy to be called such. There are psychopathic monsters, there are people who have killed by impetus and there are also innocents who found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just see their expression to understand what kind of person they are. Rantaro, this is no different from a prison. I can read them in the eyes, terror and worry. I do not know what you're hiding, and I'm not forcing you to tell me a thing. But I have a piece of advice to give you: trust yourself."

"Trust...myself?"

"You have no memories, you are not part of this world, you are not part of the academy. You are a foreign element, you feel like a stranger, and for this you do not trust what you can hide, what your memories can conceal. You are afraid, and it is understandable. But if you continue to be afraid, you will lose what is dearest to you. Do not do it. Do not doubt Rantaro, be sure. You have a family, you have a sister you have to take care of. Keep this in mind, and your goal will lead you to success."

Rantaro was speechless. Ryoma Hoshi let out another gloomy sigh. "Thanks for listening, in any regards."

Rantaro nodded. Ryoma's words have sparked his spirits with determination and hope. "Yeah… no problem."


End file.
